it is not kind and it does not care who you are, how much money you have, or the type of diet you follow. i was listening to a conversation about a girl who cried everyday, slept more than her roommates, did not get out of bed, and was planning on dropping a couple of courses because “she didn’t know how to manage her time” and “she was doing it to herself; it’s her choice to be happy.”
truthfully, i was beyond annoyed and even angered that the friends of this girl (who was showing real symptoms of depression, at least from what I gathered from the conversation) basically wrote her off. i wondered how these girls could come to a consensus that their “sad” friend was a burden and needed to get her life together. after i regained composure, i realized that as a society, we are extremely ignorant about mental health. i get it, it makes people uncomfortable; but the only way to combat the taboo that depression is a choice is to inform those that do not deal with the illness on a daily basis.
if i had a dollar for every time someone told me “just get over it” or “be happy” or “life’s hard, everyone has problems” i would have a significant stack of dollar bills. depression is not a choice. happiness is not a choice. i know sure as hell that i did not choose to sit in a psychologist’s office twice a week, telling her my inner-most dark thoughts, as a 7th grader. it was not my choice to have a chemical imbalance in my brain. the thing is, depression is not just sad music and crying from time to time. it is not just bad social skills. it is not forgetting your umbrella and getting drenched walking to class, only to have an assignment due that you forgot about and declaring “this is the worst day of my life.” but there have been many sleepless nights and mornings i could not get out of bed and multiple consecutive days that i could not change my clothes because i did not have the energy–it was not worth it; i did not care. i sometimes get tired by walking to the car or just sitting in bed thinking; there are times i count down the minutes until i can crawl back in bed because life is too much. depression is the medicine you are required to take every morning because without it, you could not function like a normal human being. it is constantly drowning on dry land; never catching a break from the world or your mind. it is not an overreaction and it is not something to be ashamed of.
people who are lucky enough to not have been plagued with mental illness love to give their advice to people who do suffer. remember the conversation i overheard about the sad girl? her friends’ solution was to get a job, keep busy, start working out, do something. putting on your tennis shoes, getting a job, releasing those endorphins–all great things, i am not denying that. they do help with momentarily relieving the symptoms of depression BUT they are not the cure-all. do you tell someone with cancer to “try yoga, it will make you forget how sick you are but it will not actually cure you”? running is to depression as ibuprofen is to a lifelong headache; it’ll spare you a few hours, maybe a few days, but that headache is still there. the depression is still there. it is not something that everyone understands–which is why a lot of people get annoyed when you are sad for too long or you refuse to move from your bed.
but to the girl who is sitting in her room, in the dark, that has not moved for days, you are okay. it is perfectly fine to sit until you gain enough emotional strength to face the world again. i hope your friends come to understand that you did not choose this.
you are so inspiring.
strong.
and you will get through it, i promise. it takes time, a whole lot of time, and figuring out how to accept that fact that you are different, you suffer differently, silently.
xo,
kate
sophistikates 